@TheTweetParrot: Time flies when you throw your alarm clock out the window.
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@NewDadNotes: [parking garage] FBI: got the file? Me: [attempts to whistle but spits on Agent] FBI: for the last time that’s not Whistleblowing
@EndhooS: [Calls boss] I'm gonna be late... "How late?" *Cut to me trapped inside a tiny house made from Lego* I've no idea to be honest with you...
@SSDated: Me: *crawls in window* Him: What are you doing?! Me: You're my boyfriend now? Him: I'm calling the cops Me: But you retweeted me??