@sofarrsogud: 'Time to meet your maker' I say, more in hope, as I unpack another box of IKEA furniture.
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@IAmKatieOrr: HELLO? HELP! I'VE BEEN KIDNAPPED & DROPPED IN A NON-ENGLISH-SPEAKING COUNTRY & I DON'T KNOW- wait. Nm. Fell asleep at Szechuan Palace again.
@causticbob: If you're using public transport never give up your seat to an old lady... That's how I lost my job as a bus driver.
@ch000ch: a fun game to play at the zoo is to walk hurriedly past a person and say "they've escaped. don't run. just walk very fast."
@nonosimprov: Culturally speaking... Having a McDonald's in a WalMart is like finding a cyst in a tumour.