@KalvinMacleod: Timeouts just give children a quiet place to plot your murder.
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@TheBoydP: My wife said she got a life insurance policy on me in case something tragic happened and I was like wow she thinks my death would be tragic!
@jazmasta: My personal trainer said I should have a protein shake every night at 11pm. That's whey past my bedtime
@Vice_Queen: My ex is such a loser that if there was a competition for the world's biggest loser, he'd still only win 2nd place.