@withanewname: Times are tough, my daughter just repossessed a paper airplane she made me, over a quarter I owed her from yesterday
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@NickFlora: The Great Gatsby was so unrealistic. So many people at those huge parties and not once did anyone ask for the wifi password.
@trevso_electric: That one onion ring didn't end up in your french fries by accident. That's Burger King's way of flirting with you.
@AmberTozer: [Calls an ex] Ex: Hello Me: Remember how you lied about everything Ex: Why are you doing this Me: It's Throwback Thursday