@withanewname: Times are tough, my daughter just repossessed a paper airplane she made me, over a quarter I owed her from yesterday
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@loribuckmajor: Removed my spanx slip and accidentally ricocheted myself into the neighbors backyard.
@pharmasean: I'm rubber, you're glue. He's scissors, she's a toner cartridge, those fellas are paperclips. Welcome to the supply closet pal.
@GrantTanaka: me: I have a very particular set of skills, skills that make me a nightmare for people like u kidnappers: like what me: what? kidnappers: like what skills me: [covering mouthpiece] omg he's asking what skills wife: ffs