@david8hughes: "HONEY, MY TOOTHBRUSH IS MOVING!" "Has it got ears?" "YEAH." "Tail?" "YEAH." "Is it the dog?" "I THINK I KNOW THE DIFF--AH IT BIT ME AGAIN!"

@EliTerry: "Our relationship is nice because we can sit silently and still have fun." - cool thing to say to the person in bathroom stall next to you.

@underchilde: Do doctors actually use drugs to induce comas or is it just easier if they start talking about golf?

@KeetPotato: [my 1st day as spelling bee host] your word is policy "can you use it in a sentence" um i think hes an undercover cop, he looks a bit policy

@morganalxander: Hello my name is Morgan and I used to think lingerie was just a fancy way to say laundry