@TheHoshuah: tinder is all about the long game
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@AbbyHasIssues: Guess who went all day without dropping food on her shirt? Not me, but I’m sure somebody somewhere did.
@KimmyMonte: Can't believe no one told me that cows can't walk down stairs. Now I'm stuck with all these attic cows.
@rockymomax: [having sex] HER: tell me your fantasies ME: I wish I was a dragon HER: no, I mean- ME: but instead of fire I breathe jelly beans