@VancityReynolds: Tinder isn't a babysitting app. Apologies to Crystal and Janine for the misunderstanding.
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@tastefactory: *spills wine on Ouija board* OUIJA: *moving pointer by itself* H-E-Y S-S-E-X-Y D-Y-O-O-U-W-W-A-N-N-A M-A-K-E O-U-T ME: *moves pointer to NO*
@panmidwest: ME: omg I love your accent! Say that again! MY AUSTRALIAN WIFE: You're shallow and selfish. I'm leaving you and taking the kids.
@gwatts77: I accidentally got my blow up doll pregnant. Related: I've got some balloons for sale.
@LeonEarlgrey: I have been using teeth whitener, and now they are completely oblivious to the experiences and sufferings of other peoples.