@Scdavis24: Tip Of the Day: You can easily avoid bruising your thigh by not staring at a female jogger and then walking into a fire hydrant.
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@GABBYdaAngSaya: 911: What's your emergency, sir? Me: I'm being taken away by ducks! I'm being- 911: Please don't do this, sir M: AbDUCKted! 911: *hangs up*
@lovemydogduck: Don't think of yourself as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey
@dxblarssonENG: I'm such a slave to the man working on a Saturday night. A drunk slave but whatever. Atleast my e-mails to my boss are hilarious now.
@bjnovak: The Razzi family had more family photographs than any other family. All thanks to the dad. Papa Razzi. Goodnight everyone