@GulfCoastJake: Tip: When the cop asks you "Do you know how fast you were going?" do NOT respond with "I know, right?!"
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@AmyLondon: @funTweeters TIL:The phrase "I plead the fifth" comes from the minimum volume of alcohol one can blame for committing the alleged infraction
@whatmaddness: My middle school bus driver gave me a ziplock of venison and my mom cooked it and didn't ask any questions. I think about it a lot.
@itsa_talia: one time a friend asked me "how are you still single?!" and the list of reasons is still compiling in my head