@GulfCoastJake: Tip: When the cop asks you "Do you know how fast you were going?" do NOT respond with "I know, right?!"
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@TheIronSherk: *Paper beats rock* *Paper beats eggs* *Paper beats his girlfriend* *Paper beats his three year old*
@too_chihuahua: "How much are these glasses?" "$150 sir" "I guess you could say" *puts on sunglasses* *runs out without another word*
@murrman5: I sniffed my work shirt to see if it was too dirty. Unfortunately I work at a chloroform factory and woke up 6 hours late for my shift
@WorldofWid: Be advised Ladies: Once I show you my Knight Rider lunchbox from 1985, foreplay has officially begun.