@Mike_Bianchi: Tired of being single? Just lower your standards a bit. My new girlfriend is a coconut taped to a mop.
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@Sassafrantz: [text] "Just saw this! I'd love to go to dinner!" Him: That was 3 years ago, I have a wife & kid now. "Bring 'em! Sister Wives is my jam!"
@myonlymizztake: Just finished leg day with my new trainer and now I need to replace the stairs in my house with an elevator. Or shower in the kitchen sink?
@sanbay: Vanilla body wash.... smells amazing.... tastes like shit. Someone needs to figure that out.