@Mike_Bianchi: Tired of being single? Just lower your standards a bit. My new girlfriend is a coconut taped to a mop.
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@AlanFelyk: Saw a woman on a dating site who says she’s looking for God. I’m thinking she’s not His type.
@_davidlucas_: *At the ouija board* Me: Err... mom? Can't we just... Ouija board: A-N-D A-N-O-T-H-E-R T-H-I-N-G
@suzieQ0007: At a wedding where the minister told everyone to stand next to the person who makes life worth living. The bartender was almost trampled.