@TheMichaelRock: Tis the season to kidnap a tree, hold it hostage, keep it from its family during the holidays, then leave it for dead.
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@TwoSapphiresBlu: Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and wonder, "Do my children just spit directly at their face when brushing their teeth?"
@WheelTod: My wife has just come home and asked how things went with the baby. Now in mild panic mode as I thought she took the baby along with her
@causticbob: I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging a few years ago. Since then, my mugging attempts have been a lot more successful.
@CVTBaby: Hairdresser: How much should I trim off the back? Me: Leave it long enough for him to wrap around his fist twice.