@weinerdog4life: Titanic, but with literally thousands of cats.
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@utofellatio: Obama: we need to create a plan to reduce pollution Biden: *turns from watching captain planet* have you asked the planeteers for help?
@deardilettante: I'm meeting a man I really like for drinks. If I play my cards right, he'll be deleting my number in a few hours.
@haveigotnews: Apple launches new phone with no headphone jack, making it ideal for enjoying the free U2 album.