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@KeetPotato: [in heaven after crucifixion] jesus: "they were horrible dad, im pleased im not going back there" god: [rubbing his neck] "see the thing is"
@One_FineMess: 4yo: What happened to the fish? Me: It drowned. 4yo: ... Me: ... 4yo: ... Me: ... 4yo: Must have been a really stupid fish.