@CerebralWreck: Titanic is my favorite movie about how to get rid of your boyfriend and make it look like an accident.
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@NoTheOtherJohn: ME: judging by this blood stain the murderer appears to have been a turkey ACTUAL POLICE OFFICER: That's a hand print
@Cryptoterra: Does anyone know how to save your game on twitter I've been playing for 2 years straight my mom is pissed
@thepunningman: "As CEO of Tortoise Enterprises, this merger with Slug Corp is... Linda, where is everyone?" "They all called to say they're running late"
@ch000ch: [climbs a Tibetan mountain for 6 days & stumbles out of breath into a Buddhist monastery] please. please tell me u have wifi