@figgled: [to a straight couple]
Which one is the lesbian and which one is the other lesbian
@ericsshadow: My 9 year old ran away for an hour and by the time he came back my wife had already turned his bedroom into a yoga studio.
@paulhorne: I was just adoringly watching my dog sleep and he woke up and caught me and now he thinks I'm some stalker weirdo.
@ScottLinnen: Cats are not mentioned in the Bible because they wrote it.
@greg_vee: *takes your compliment*
*stares nervously at it*
@tat2skatermom: I have a doorbell chime for text messages.
I just checked my door twice.
I don’t have a doorbell.
Line up boys. This kinda genius is rare.