@figgled: [to a straight couple]
Which one is the lesbian and which one is the other lesbian
@KentWGraham: I accepted the Microsoft terms and conditions without reading them, and apparently I’m now responsible for hemming all of Bill Gates’ pants.
@TheAlexNevil: Pro Tip: don't buy cheap duct tape. Your basement guests can chew right through that.
@DoreyZoe: My next door neighbour just accused me of stealing clothes from her washing line. I nearly shit her pants
@bananagrvyrd: My DNA results came back and apparently I'm .0002% aardvark. Which pretty much answers all the questions I've ever had. About anything.
@bourgeoisalien: My favorite German children's story is that one where some unspeakably terrifying thing happens to teach a minor lesson.