@PimpBillClinton: To all the chicks on Twitter who complain about never getting laid, turn your location on.
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@Marlebean: A "clear memory" button, but for my brain. And while we're at it, a "delete cookies" button, but for my thighs.
@personontheweb: we just got new auto insurance and my mom was supposed to text our agent pictures of her car:
@robfee: I don't want a Hot Pocket. I'd rather have a pocket with a nice sense of humor & a pleasant personality.