@ElizaBayne: To all the men out there without ponytails: What are you afraid of? SUCCESS???
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@RocketRankoon: You've won this round supervisor, but accidentally leave your Ok Cupid profile open one more time and you'll be a transgender time traveler.
@leechee420: You can be anyone you want on twitter, so I'm a little surprised so many guys chose "creepy weird dude."
@shawnspree: You know she loves you when you wakeup in a pool of ice in the motel room bathtub with only one kidney removed.
@david8hughes: [at the mall] "Excuse me? I lost my son. Can I please make an announcement?" "Of course." [leans in to mic] "Goodbye you little shit."