@ElizaBayne: To all the men out there without ponytails: What are you afraid of? SUCCESS???
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@PhilLaysheO: Just left a note on the ex's car saying "I STILL LOVE YOU" hope it doesn't go unnoticed. I keyed it in pretty deep.
@garrettbarry70: My wife complains that my socks are too big for her but she doesn't care that her bra pinches my back.
@Dis0beyJay: [ First Date ] Her: So you're a MMA fighter? * flashback to me kickboxing a mannequin at Nordstrom's * Me: Yea, I'm still training
@PresidentGrimes: I promise to find a new girlfriend right away when my old girlfriend gets eaten by walkers. America needs a first lady.