@mo_vitaluna: To all those out there named Christian but are atheist,
The rest of us
@MomofTeen: It's been six years since my job interview. I'm beginning to suspect they chose someone else.
@AmishPornStar1: Ice cream is clearly God's way of telling us he likes us a little bit chubby.
-We need you to kill the leader of Russia.
"I'll be Putin a bullet in his head. Carl Marx my words!"
-Alright! Who invited PunMan?!
@Cpin42: [sees that my girlfriend from 3rd grade is getting married] Wow- you didn't waste any time, did you Becky
@stockejock: Twitter reminds me of what my grandpa always used to say, 'Who are you people and what are you all jabbering about anyway?'