@mo_vitaluna: To all those out there named Christian but are atheist,
The rest of us
@stevevsninjas: I keep a separate microwave dedicated for hotdogs. I call it Frank Zappa.
@jonnysun: ME: [in santa costume, covered in chimney soot] that was hard. how does santa do it
WIFE: well santas not real, hun
ME: [drops cookie] WHAT
@rohmontgomery: I am upset with my parents for making me exist. u just decided to make a person one day? who's gonna pay my bills? me? I didn't ask for this
@jerm1991: Day 3 in the desert: I have somehow gained the respect of some birds as they are circling above me in some sort of protective formation
@OwensDamien: The year is 2246. Disease and hunger have been eradicated. The terraforming of Mars is complete. The symbol for Save is still a floppy disk.