@Jesusontwittorr: To all those telling me this account is a sin - Don't worry about it, I plan on forgiving myself later
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@Swishergirl24: The divorce rate is almost at 60%. How does Cupid keep his job with that level of failure?
@Rollmaninoz: *pterodactyl wakes his wife up pissing at 3am* WIFE: I thought your pee was supposed to be silent!!!
@ClickBaite: Watches my wife cut the 2 yr. olds apple juice with water ... *Hauntingly second guesses every drink she's ever mixed for me now
@Rollmaninoz: Cashier: haha that’s a lotta candy, getting ready for Halloween early eh Me:… Cashier:… Me:… Cashier:… Me: yep
@thatdutchperson: "And why did you join our gym?" ▫️to stay healthy ▫️a friend recommended it ☑️I've seen myself naked
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