@Jesusontwittorr: To all those telling me this account is a sin - Don't worry about it, I plan on forgiving myself later
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@TheGayFlash: I love how people say they're "expecting" a baby, as though it might be something else, like a penguin or a lawnmower.
@SodomyClown: If someone says "I will do anything for you" lean in really close and say "There's a body in my basement and I can't eat it all by myself."
@AnOrangeSNES: *Buys a bunch of wooden letters* Cashier: Feeling crafty? Me: Nope, just trying to make a name for myself.