@CherylCheryl94: To all those who received a book from me as a Christmas present - They are due back at the library tomorrow.
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@Paxochka: People who say "life doesn't come with a set of instructions" obviously haven't heard of the Kama Sutra.
@mattgallo123: The only thing more shocking than finding water on planet Mars would be finding me in Planet Fitness.
@GeriatricBeards: [Being kidnapped] Me: i can feel it.. Stockholm syndrome kidnapper: its been 10 minutes me: should we invite your brother to the wedding?