@blairgarner: To apply for a job at Hooters do they hand you a bra and say, "Here, just fill this out." ?
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@ColoChiver: Scared the mailman today by going to the door completely naked. Not sure what scared him more, my naked body or that I knew where he lived.
@d_duhwit: Me*suspicious the neighbor is a cannibal*:"Do U find this is a tough neighborhood? Neighbor:"Na, u just use a slow cooker. Me:"What? n:"What
@davidgrossTV: When I tell you I butt-dialed you, I'm not saying it was an accident, I just want you to be impressed.