@_Ms_Moneypenny_: Friend: Can I borrow a pen?
Me: Sure!
*looks in purse*
*pulls out perfume, 17 Hershey kisses, a stapler & a baby goat*
Me: Sorry, no pen. :(
@That_Matt2: You will feel dumb when we find out the guy who headshotted Harambe was from the future trying to prevent Planet of the Apes..
@sophielou: Grandma confused about Tide Pods “kids these days eating those podcasts”....
@Storminika: My friend just broke up with her man. I really helped her through the break up by letting her know he's no good in bed anyway.
@stevevsninjas: Mother: And where did you see this show?
Kid: I saw it on Hulu.
Mother: *raises disapproving eyebrow*
Kid: *sighs* I saw it on Whomlu.
COMMENTS