@thedailymarker: To avoid butterflies in your stomach, don't eat caterpillars.
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@JohnFugelsang: I can't wait for the next Oscars dead-person montage when all the celebs Joan Rivers insulted have to applaud her.
@vexroid: This restaurant should really be giving me a discount for ordering carryout and not bringing my kids inside.
@JRevard: My bf asked me to act like a "naughty school girl" for him so I forged a note from my mom saying I don't have to participate.