@pmclellan: To avoid taking down my Christmas lights, I'm making my house into an Italian restaurant.
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@lucidchemistry: ME: Who's my little sex kitten? HER: *slowly pushes me off bed* ME: [from floor] That's right baby.
@TechnicallyRon: Aliens: "Take us to your leader" "No" "What" "Look we've made some mistakes" "Just take..." "It's been a weird year, half of us are morons"
@itsa_talia: one time a friend asked me "how are you still single?!" and the list of reasons is still compiling in my head