@NickMotown: To back up his "every action has an equal and opposite reaction" theory, Newton should've released one simultaneously saying "no it doesn't"
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@shkeeber: Friend: What happened? 15yo me: *arm in a sling* Got hit by 2 buses. Friend: What happened? 37yo me: *in a full body cast* I sneezed weird.
@TheWoodenslurpy: [commercial for gymnastics] Want to delay menarche and stunt your lumbar growth, but also risk getting crotch punched by a four-inch beam?
@CheryeDavis: This guy must really want to impress me with his endurance skills. Because when I asked if he wanted a ride, he said "No thanks I'll walk"