@NickMotown: To back up his "every action has an equal and opposite reaction" theory, Newton should've released one simultaneously saying "no it doesn't"
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@fuqtarded: On the street or subway you can only imagine what that idiot is thinking. On Twitter, you get to see what that idiot is thinking.
@Pro_Jones_: (Art Museum) Me:*sees nature painting* *pulls out sharpie* *draws sun in the top left corner* My 5th Grade Art Teacher: *thumbs up* nice
@Reverend_Scott: [Fortune Teller] "I see great wealth, also danger." Oh. "And blue meth. Walt Jr. is crippled." Are you watching Breaki- "Jesse is so hot."
@ShipInTheKnight: Twitter is like a conversation at the water cooler. If the water cooler was full of vodka. And you could smoke. And the boss was out of town