@meatyocre: to be Frank, i would have to change my name.
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@UtilityLimb: some tweets get big favs but no RTs. why? [camera pans to dog in lab coat high up on a distant ledge. we're too far away to hear his answer]
@minivansandgin: Hear toddler having meltdown at Target Me: Parents should control their kids! Cashier: Isn't she yours? Me: C: I saw her come in with you.
@truegritrumble: HER:He doesn't trust me. THERAPIST:How so? HER:He's always spying on me. ME (dressed as Therapist):Really? THERAPIST:WTF HER:WTF ME:WTF
@crylosec: [train station] Man: hey you. Woman: Hi. M: i'm Christian. W: That's a pickup line? *rolls eyes, walks away M: ugh. i hate my name.