@pixelatedboat: To be honest you were our third choice for this poisoner job but the other two got poiso... oh that was you, nice
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@NicestHippo: You're an adult now. Stop lying about your life on Facebook and start doing it on LinkedIn
@AimeeHelene1: When someone at work asks you what you're doing this weekend, just pull a lettuce leaf out of your pocket and slowly start licking it.
@ahamedweinberg: Tombstones should just say how old the person was. I don't wanna walk around doing grave math.