@longwall26: To catch a grandpa, you must THINK like a grandpa *eats butterscotch candy, clicks on obvious spam email*
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@KalvinMacleod: [Christmas] 6:30—kids are excited 7:30—kids are playing 8:00—kids are fighting 9:00—kids are crying 9:15—wife is yelling 9:30—I am drinking
@DaddyJew: Listening to coworkers try and explain Fight Club to another coworker and all I could think was "we really shouldn't be talking about this".
@Carbosly: Do you have FB? No Do you have Twitter? No Instagram? No What do you have? A life. ... ... Can I have it? No. I need it to play Candy Crush.
@Book_Krazy: Jack is coming over. "Jack from work or Jack and the..." [a beanstalk comes up through the floor and crashes through the ceiling]