@longwall26: To catch a grandpa, you must THINK like a grandpa *eats butterscotch candy, clicks on obvious spam email*
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@PaperWash: [driver on opposite side of the road puts head lights on] moth driving: omg moth wife: Harold no we have a baby moth baby: FLOOR IT DAD
@ariscott: If you ever see a movie where a woman is depressed and she has shaved legs that movie is bullshit.
@peachgrenade: My wife is not happy with some of the comments in the anonymous suggestion box I attached our bed.
@KyleMcDowell86: [Little Caesar's meeting] "We need a new, clever slogan" *everyone looks at Jim* Jim: Um... Pizza...Pizza? "Jim...U just saved this company"