@jonnysun: to cause mass hysteria at a wedding, slowley turn the volum down when the "shout" song says "a litle bit louder now, a litle bit louder now"
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@garrettbarry70: Dad, was I a cocky teenager? Only when you watched Baywatch in your pyjam.... DAAAD!
@fro_vo: *mother squirrel pulls her child away from the curb just as he’s about to cross the street* junior no! wait for a car to come
@timdonakowski: Love restaurants that put ice cubes in their urinals. Makes me think the ice is a bank vault and my pee is a laser.
@robdelaney: The contents of my son's last diaper was so upsetting to both of us we shared a cigarette after I changed it.