@ChipKellysBalls: To celebrate Boxing Day on Friday, I had a five minute training montage and beat the shit out of the biggest Russian I could find ...
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@juneohara65: I'd get into a lesbian relationship just to mooch my girlfriend's hair care products.
@iamdevloper: The software development process i can’t fix this *crisis of confidence* *questions career* *questions life* oh it was a typo, cool
@HatfieldAnne: Him: You were supposed to do something about the groundhog under the deck. Me: I did. I named him Lord Melbourne. He likes Cocoa Puffs.
@msdanifernandez: I can't. I'm busy tonight. I have to do laundry and block everyone who takes their engagement photos in a barn.