@BillCorbett: To celebrate Independence Day I'm finding Englishmen and then walking angrily away from them!
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@The_Grant_Boldt: *at Starbucks* "Ya I'll have the medium roast please" *Barista insults him a lot but not too much*
@SeinfeldToday: George refuses to date a woman when he sees her on 2 different dating apps. G:”It’s too desperate.” J:”How’d you find out?” G:”I’m on both."