@FattMernandez: To err is human. To errrrrrrr! eerrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! errrrrrrrrrrrrr! is racecar.
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@mommajessiec: [at doctor’s office] Nurse: You may get undressed now. Me: [rips off tear away pants] Nurse: Most people wait until I’m out of the room but okay.
@kjmeow: "FOR SALE: blender, like new. Does NOT make things taste like crayons ALSO FOR SALE: wax fruit, slightly scratched."
@Tmoney68: Normal things that become creepy when you look both ways before doing them: Pick up a kid Unlock a door Load a rolled rug into your trunk