@TwinSurvivalist: [Husband 911]
Me: I just shattered the gravy boat.
911: She'll kill you.
M: I know.
911: We never spoke.
M: What?
911: Good luck
* Click *
@ZackBornstein: Doctor: I'm sorry, but your Dad's in a coma.
Teen: Huh?
Doctor: He's in airplane mode now.
Teen: OHHH NOOOOO!!
@fuzzlime: I'm so hungry I could eat an apple
@TheToddWilliams: KID: Where's grandma?
DAD: She's in a better place now
KID: Canada?
@TheBosha: Israel is like STOP TOUCHING ME and Palestine is like YOU'RE TOUCHING ME and Hillary is like I WILL PULL THIS CAR OVER.
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