@werehedgehog: Bae: Come over. Romeo: Can't. You're a Capulet, I'm a Montague. Bae: Deny thy father and refuse thy name; come over. Romeo: Also, you're 13.

@DebraMuffin: The best way to run into that hot person you've been dying to talk to is to leave the house looking the worst you possibly can.

@TrueTorontoGirl: My surgeon said NO drinking for 24 hours, then we both laughed.

@maybenotstef: My spirit animal died of neglect.

@SSparklesDaily: Salad is the decaf of food.