@peachesanscream: To find out your cat name, pick any name at random and refuse to answer to it.
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@RandomRamblr: She believed me when i said concentration camps were for people with Attention Deficit Disorder.
@Book_Krazy: WAITER: Room for dessert? [flashback to the room at home that hides all my desserts] ME: [nervous laugh] Haha I don't have one of those.
@BoogTweets: Me: Take this My Uber passenger: *holds gun in blood soaked car* WTF JUS HAPPENED? Me: You tell me "Mr Finger prints on a murder weapon"