@lecalabara: "To hell with it, thats good enough." - every person after theyve ever tried to iron a shirt. Ever.
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@vvolfsz: The nominees are Leonardo DiCaprio Leonardo DiCaprio Leonardo DiCaprio And the winner is *opens envelope* mad max fury road
@noog: Everyone’s all worried about World War III. Worry about the important shit. Batman’s fighting Superman in 2016.
@JasonLastname: Show your neighbor they shouldn't park their boat outside of their house by filling it with two of every animal.
@JasonLastname: [boss starts giggling uncontrollably during his presentation as I tickle a voodoo doll]