@BevisSimpson: To little kid eyeing my McDonalds: thats right i can eat this any time i want... Dont ask about any of the other parts of my life please.
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@Alex_N_Chains: I think it's obvious that Goo Goo Dolls and Lady Gaga should do a side project together and call it Goo Goo Gaga.
@kimwilliamz: When somebody I blocked gets RT'd into my timeline it's like they're violating their restraining order.
@Ideal_Victoria: *crawls up from backseat* *slowly pulls off paper bag from head* What? No... I’m not embarrassed by your driving
@bdbdleeroybrown: Tampon commercials create an unrealistic expectation of how much fun it is to be around menstruating women.