@Thedudish: To make a mistake is human. To admit a mistake is stupid.
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@lloydrang: Me: You a good personal trainer? Him: You bet your emotionally distant dad I am. Me: [through tears] Wow, that's personal. You're hired.
@bestlizard: A girl who bullied me in junior high just friended me on Facebook. Her three kids are named after trees. I win.
@jenhasgreathair: Sometimes I worry that maybe I'll never have sex again then I look at OKCupid and kind of start to feel at peace with the idea.