@amydillon: To make my guests comfortable, I always put a sign in the bathroom that says "Don't worry, I cleaned, those are permanent stains."
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@TheCatWhisprer: They say you should eat 6 small meals a day to lose weight so being an overachiever I have been eating 26 a day.
@Gupton68: Went to the gym for the first time in months. It turns out I'm more ready for exhuming than I am for exercising.
@stephenjmolloy: Me: "Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer." Friends: "No thanks." Enemies: "Also no thanks."
@simoncholland: I tried to help by doing my daughter's hair once and a kind old lady offered her a hot meal and a warm place to sleep.