@McGrumpenstein: To make space in prisons, judges are now sentencing low-risk offenders to pick up a few things at IKEA during the week before college starts
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@XplodingUnicorn: Me: Check it out! I'm juggling! Wife: Me: Wife: You're supposed to use more than one ball. Me: Can't you just be happy for me?
@poe927: Her: You should drink in moderation Me: Moderation?You makin words up? H: You're gonna piss on my lawn again aren't you? M: ...In moderation
@rivalpunks: In middle school, I had a crush on a kid named BJ. When you write Heather loves BJ on your notebooks, you make a lot of friends.