@McGrumpenstein: To make space in prisons, judges are now sentencing low-risk offenders to pick up a few things at IKEA during the week before college starts
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@Matt_The_1st: Hot girl in the avatar, but no selfies in your pics. I'm just gonna call you "bro" from now on.
@rebrafsim: Sensei: you have learned much, my child Nonsensei: flamingos are extremely inconsiderate
@DaddyBeerGuy: Wife-CAN YOU CLEAN UP? Me-*Quietly mutters- I don't work for you! 3-*runs out of room yelling- DADDY SAYS HE DOESN'T WORK FOR YOU!
@DadandBuried: Sometimes I purposefully dress my toddler in mismatched pajamas just to make my wife’s head explode.