@bridger_w: To me, suicide seems selfish. For all I know, someone else might want to kill me
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@carlyken: Noah's Ark was so unrealistic. Have you ever tried to pen up velociraptors? Did the guy who wrote the Bible even watch Jurassic Park first?
@_green723: If you successfully toss a quarter 5 times through the moving blades of a ceiling fan, you are talented and stoned.
@JohnLyonTweets: [hell] Me: Why am I here? Devil: You told people you'd say hi to other people 3,789 times but only did it 4 times. Me: OK that's fair.
@kellyoxford: Web MD is like a Choose Your Own Adventure book where the ending is always cancer.