@bridger_w: To me, suicide seems selfish. For all I know, someone else might want to kill me
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@akatinamarie: Vegetarians live up to nine years longer. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, baconless, cheeseburgerless, meatless years.
@AKcrazy18: I got sent out of class today at school. The teacher yelled at me, "What would your parents say if I called them?' I replied, "Hello?"
@itshotterhere: 9 y/o daughter: dad, what's your favourite healthy food? Me: fruits. Your's? 9: Eggs Me: Good 9: like Reese's peanut butter eggs
@Ivsy01: Him: (on phone) Why are you single? Me: (watching a movie about a killer tire) I don't know.