@WilliamAder: To me, the worst part of the prostate exam is when the doctor says, "Guess how many fingers."
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@RidiculousSheri: It's getting Hot In Herre, so take off all your clothes! Also, drink this water because I don't want you to get dehydrated. -Nervous Nelly
@crushingbort: one time I saw a cop on a horse start to walk it down some steps and I thought "oh the horse is trained for stairs" and then they both fell
@TheTweetOfGod: Media, stop using the phrase 'breaking news'. It's been broken for some time now.
@BradBroaddus: Wife: I want to see some snow. Me: You might get to see 3 to 4 inches tonight. Wife: I'd rather see snow.