@SuchaDumbWorld: To my American friends: On Sunday, don't forget to set your clocks back one hour. On Tuesday, try not to set your country back 50 years.
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@Bandersnaaatch: There's a bird in the yard and she's shaking her tail feathers in hope of attracting a mate. HE SHOULD LOVE YOU FOR YOUR BRAIN, I yell.
@TheBoydP: [Jeopardy] Disease for $500 Alex "Dysentery, Typhoid, Bubonic Plague, Dengue Fever" What's better than catching a man cold? "Correct!"
@pharmasean: [in hell] Me: *sneeze* The devil: bless you Me, waving as I float to heaven: haha, fool the devil: DAMN YOU Me, floating back to hell: dang
@karanbirtinna: Me: Haha hate it when I walk into a room and then forget what I came in for. Executioner: Seriously these are your last words?