@tmoswole: To my English teachers who encouraged me to create magical works of literature as a boy. Here is my 3,007th Tweet. You can be proud.
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@Jay_FrickinLynn: Britney is stranded on an island Britney is starving Britney forms tool out of rocks and sticks Britney sees a fish Britney Spears
@FierceMess: If it weren't for twitter I wouldn't know what it feels like to go unnoticed. Just kidding, I'm married. I know exactly how that feels.
@caperbc75: Dr: ... Me: ... D: ... M: ... D: *sighs* Did you stick an orange up your rectum M: No *orange falls out onto floor* D: ... M: *mumbles* yes