@tmoswole: To my English teachers who encouraged me to create magical works of literature as a boy. Here is my 3,007th Tweet. You can be proud.
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@MariyaAlexander: "I'm liking where this is going" I said, pointing to a potato chip making its way toward my face.
@Jam453Lane: When someone uses the bathroom and asks about the wine cork floating in the toilet is why I don't invite people to my house.
@donni: Work like you don't need the money: Just stop and go home. Who cares? You don't need that money