@VodkaThursday: To punish me, my 2yr old shuts herself in her room. She can shut, but not open, doors. She ends up trapped in a self-imposed timeout. #irony
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@iRowlf: Prank Idea For The Ladies: Swallow a plastic dinosaur, then make an appointment to get an ultrasound.
@FudgeRobot: My family crest is just a picture of my grandfather dressed up as a giant hotdog being dragged into a cave by a bear.
@just1fool: Every time you reach under the couch for something a giant spider must choose whether or not to give up its secure location.
@sbellelauren: whenever i trip a skinny girl running in only a sports bra i feel like i'm doing god's work