@VodkaThursday: To punish me, my 2yr old shuts herself in her room. She can shut, but not open, doors. She ends up trapped in a self-imposed timeout. #irony
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@XplodingUnicorn: 5-year-old: What happens if the baby pees? Pregnant wife: She won't. She waits till she's born 5: Right. Just like no one pees in the pool
@JediGigi: [beside lady with baby] Her: Smells like someone went poop poop! Does the baby need a change? Me: *blushing* Yes ma'am.