@chuuew: To save a bit of money on e-cigarettes I've started to roll my own batteries.
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@ShutUpThatsWho: [first karate lesson] Me: *entering dojo* BONSAI!!! Sensei: Do you mean 'Banzai'? Me: *just starts chucking little trees at Sensei*
@karanbirtinna: I am a brown supremacist. I dream that the whole world will be one giant call centre one day.
@shkeeber: Accepting a Facebook friend request from someone you follow on twitter is like bringing home your drug dealer to meet your family.
@UncleBob56: Nurse: What happened to your FINGERS? Me: You know those chefs who cut up vegetables real fast? N: Yes? M: I can't do that.