@TheOnion: To see more unmatched reporting, visit
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@River_Niles: We basically broke up with Pluto by saying it wasn't a planet anymore then spent 9yrs obsessing about it & just drove by its house real slow
@noog: Welcome to Starbucks how may I help you? "Regular coffee with cream please" That's $40, 5ml of unicorn tears, and 10 dragon scales. "TEN?"
@AlanFelyk: Your daughter seems to have nice boyfriends. They all seem to be involved in community service.