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@NoogsCorner: Hundreds of years ago, a group of fat women secretly met under the cover of darkness. That night, they invented the word "voluptuous."
@realHamOnWry: These days, satisfying my sex drive is like using Uber. It's a nervous ride with a stranger who expects to be paid after we reach the end.
@aidanjsears: [my funeral] PRIEST: dearly beloved... *respectful silence from guests* PRIEST: ...and steve ME FROM INSIDE COFFIN: lmao get roasted steve