@Heather2Go: To support all you Movember guys, I'm not shaving my legs this month. To be honest, I probably won't shave in Mecember or Manuary either.
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@jergarl: Wife:Did you take ambien last night? Me: *recalls riding a unicorn that's on fire* No, why? W:The dog's wearing a saddle and she's orange.
@CrashTestDrummy: A Jehovah's Witness followed me. I think I'll send him a lot of unsolicited DMs with knock-knock jokes...
@lolajxx: Anyone who has to spend more than 2 mins at an ATM is obvilously sending a text to Optimus Prime
@ISOremarkable: "on your left u see fred in camo, on your right is bertha, she has ridden many miles on that electric cart." If walmart had tour guides.