@neiltyson: To tell you the truth, beginning a sentence with “To tell you the truth” throws into question all else you’ve previous said.
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@CornOnTheGoblin: [spooky noise comes from my closet] monster under my bed: you heard that too right
@geekysteven: Science fact: If you took a human intestinal tract and stretched it from the Earth to the Moon, you would definitely get fired from NASA.
@garrettbarry70: So, I bought a wok to cook healthy food and I have to say, these french fries don't taste any different.
@XplodingUnicorn: Jesus: Go forth. You are now fishers of men. Peter: *harpoons a guy* Jesus: Too literal, bro.