@neiltyson: To tell you the truth, beginning a sentence with “To tell you the truth” throws into question all else you’ve previous said.
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@scarebro: Maybe your parents told you a watched pot never boils so you wouldn't go around sticking your face near boiling water, idiot.
@ehdannyboy: To tell the difference between an African and an Indian elephant, you look at its ears, then lift one up and shout "WHERE ARE YOU FROM M8?"
@Shot_Of_Cabo: (CPR class) Wife to instructor: What if my knees start to hurt? Me to instructor: See what I'm up against?
@ixix82: By 33, you'd think I'd have figured out at some point along the way where to put my arms when I sleep.