@markedly: To the 4 people today who tried to prank me and failed, eat it jerks. To the 13 who succeeded, guys can u pls delete the photos of me crying
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@crushingbort: *crowd in 1889 screaming because I appeared out of thin air and shot a baby* that was Baby Hitler...everyone calm down that was Baby Hitler
@Smethanie: The worst things in life are free, too. Like, gonorrhea, chapped elbows and flyers left on your windshield.
@Donna_McCoy: No honey, there isn't a neighbor working with a nail gun this early. That was just my knees creaking when I got out of bed.
@robfee: No matter how lazy you feel, just remember that Goldilocks decided to take a nap during a b&e.