@Moemontes: To the dude i just saw driving a beat up Ford mini van with spare tire and dream catcher on mirror: that dream catchers not working dude!
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@bobvulfov: APPLE GENIUS: how did u get so much water on the laptop [flashback to me taking my laptop into the shower so i could tweet] ME: hurricane
@SukaBlunt: I learned 2 things at least when I was married 1. Always passcode lock your phone 2. Don't use a nude pic of your gf as the lock screen
@BlindChow: [hospital] Looks like ur Vine went viral. "Yay!" Sorry ur VEIN went viral…you have a fatal blood disease. "So wait–my Vine didn't go viral?"