@AKATriple: To the first two people who thought Superman was a bird or plane... why the hell were you so excited?
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@possibilyss: In hindsight, i shouldn't have said 'surprise me' when the judge was about to sentence me
@DirtMcTurd: Ex (trying to make me jealous): I'm going to a party, everyone's drinking, laughing, and having fun! Me: that'll all stop once you show up
@Jen_Up_: I just said, "who the hell is calling here at 9 o'clock at night?" and I died a little on the inside.